The Most Powerful Words

Persuading Others Toward Your Way

 “The greatest ability in business is to get along with others and to influence their actions.”  — John Hancock

What are the most powerful words in English?  What if you could say the same things you’re saying today but get ten times, twenty times, or even thirty times the results?  Could asking or telling someone something in a different way really make a difference?  I am willing to bet you $370,535 that it can make all the difference. 

(Who is this book for?) This short book is for you if your conversations can be directly linked to the amount of money you make or with people you need to influence then this is for you.  

Perhaps you’ve lost business you thought you had in the bag or you want to improve your relationships at home. (Needs Work) 

(Why should you care?) 

(Why now?) 

(Good Link https://copyblogger.com/the-two-most-important-words-in-blogging/ )

(Why is this special?  Why should I pay attention?) 

I was searching for some magical phrase or words that would be the key to influencing others.  I would say this and the client would say that, and poof like magic they would say “Yes” and large stacks of $100 bills would slide across the table.  But, the truth is, there is no magic phrase or magic words that will get you compliance from your clients, audience or significant other all the time.  There are only magic moments where if done properly will give you the greatest chance of convincing, persuading and otherwise influencing others to see things your way.  The words you’re reading now will allow you to create more of these “Yes Moments”. 

Look if you’re a jerk and you don’t treat people with respect then don’t expect these words to make much of a difference at all for you.  How often do you do business with people who are “TOTAL ASSHATS”?  Probably next to never except for the occasional times where you’re trapped and there is not a clear alternatives.  I am thinking of your auto shops, your local post office, DMV, and home repair people. (Cable TV, HVAC, Appliance Repair) 

The words that make this list are only the ones you’ll want to use every day to influence others.  As you’ll soon see, persuasion is not only very powerful but often misunderstood, and as a result, it’s underutilized. Why? Persuasion is often perceived as a selling skill for closing transactions. Since it’s often linked to sales it also is seen as manipulative, sleazy and unscrupulous. I am not going to tell you that this never happens any more than the Police will always be at your door after calling 911 (119,000) in three minutes. It can be used for good or evil unfortunately that’s why you must learn these words and be on the lookout for them in your daily interaction. (You need to know these words when they are being used on you so that you can make intelligent decisions on the outcomes.) The good news is we as humans have evolved to know when someone has our best interest at heart or if someone is just trying to use us for their own means.  We not only sense that but we get a gut feeling about these things. So, if you have the best interest of your client, partner, a colleague at heart you’ll be able to successfully lead them to your desired best end result for them.  

If you don’t have their best interest in mind and see this as an opportunity to practice your “Douchbaggery” then I hope your asshattery fails miserably and quickly. If you’re not going to act ethically and use these words to help others then my best advice for you is, please, run around the (your) house with some scissors. Now, a critical reason to learn these words is to be aware of these douchbags of deceit. However, influence done correctly has a way of invisibly moving your client, partner, or boardroom effortlessly towards your outcome while helping them in the process. 

Two words that have an enormous impact on our lives that did not make the cut on this list are “Yes” and “No.” The power of these words possess is evident but if you want to learn words that can change a conversation more toward your favor. Getting others to say “Yes” to you more often than “No” is the purpose of this book. The good news is you’ll now be on the lookout for when they are being used on you so that you can respond accordingly.  Beyond just what the words are you’ll learn how to use them in action.  After all, if you fail to implement what you’ve learned what exactly just happened? 

When you master “The most powerful words,” it’s like you’re playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers.  You’ll turn into a (Bruce Lee) kung-fu master fighting the old local drunk.  It won’t be fair to your competition, and you’ll have created an unfair advantage in your business and personal life.  All things being equal it will be your competitive advantage in life. This is a skill that you can use anywhere at any time. Are you looking for an unfair advantage?  Would it help if you could ask a question and your client begs you to take their money? 

The following words are the most powerful all by themselves. That means you can launch them at nearly any time for effect. The trick to using them effectively is knowing when to deploy them for maximum impact. 

To be 100% honest knowing them is half the battle but having a system to deploy them is what makes all the difference between an amateur who’s able to influence people now and then to someone who’s able to do it at will, unconsciously all the time every time always.  Regardless here are “The Most Powerful Words in English” you’ll find anywhere.

• Why
• Not
• You
• Because
• Now
• But
• Secret
• What
• Help
• How
• This & That

Notable mention to New, Free, And, Stop, Try, Might, Consider, Curious, Any, All and Every.

WHY 

“People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it. And what you do simply proves what you believe.”   ― Simon Sinek 

Ok, how in the world are you going to give me this word list and tell me that they are the MOST POWERFUL! Good question. Let’s start with WHY and build from there. 

The word “Why” is a very curious word because it causes the person who’s getting the “Why” to respond.  Often, we use it in a question which adds more power as someone will need to answer you. At its very core the word “Why” cements whatever comes after.  It causes the recipient to rationalize an answer. It can even put someone on the defense, so understanding how to wield this mighty word will take careful consideration on your part.  Ready, Fire, Aim! 

This word will be like your very own Mjölnir.  That’s the Hammer that Thor held in Asgard.  The same one he uses to crush his enemies with. 

Example: Why should you read this book?  

Really consider that question.  Of all the things you could be doing right now.  Why are you reading this book?  What are you hoping to gain? 

Example: 

Why did you make such a bonehead decision? 

Why did you buy that car? 

Why did you rob the bank? 

Why might you consider learning to persuade others today? 

Each of these questions will generally get a response. That response will be something to the effect of “I did (Blank) because of (Blank).”  That’s the cause-effect rule in action. 

Why can be a horrible word to use if you don’t use it properly.  If you ask “Why did you buy that car from XYZ company?”  You’re going to give me all the reasons true or made up of the reason why you purchased from XYZ company. So, if you’re not from XYZ company and you’re with ABC company your better off asking.  “Why might you consider using ABC company?” Or “Why would you ever choose to work with another company besides XYZ company?” 

< From his previous experiments with cats and monkeys, Sperry knew that one, the opposite, hemisphere of the brain would only analyze information from one eye and the hemispheres would not be able to communicate to each other what they saw. He asked the participants to look at a white screen with a black dot in the middle. The black dot was the dividing point for the fields of view for a person, so the right hemisphere of the brain analyzed everything to the left of the dot and the left hemisphere of the brain analyzed everything that appeared to the right of the dot. Next, Sperry showed the participants a word on one side of the black dot for less than a second and asked them to tell him what they saw. When the participants saw the word with their right eye, the left hemisphere of the brain analyzed it and they were able to say what they saw. However, if the participants saw the word with their left eye, processed by right hemisphere, they could not remember what the word was. Sperry concluded that the left hemisphere could recognize and articulate language, while the right one could not. Add Brain Study when people lose connection to half of their brain (Video on Split Brain Left vs Right Brain Study – Also add some “Cause” – “Effect” since based research here too> 

In Dr. Pantalon’s excellent book “Instant Influence” he asks the question “Why might you consider changing X?”  This question gets you moving in a positive direction towards an end state that you choose.  This question is so powerful because the motivation comes from within the individual, not the person asking the question. This comes from the 6 step motivational interviewing technique used for drug addicts, To wield influence in your life, you’ll need an arsenal of powerful words and a toolbelt full of these such words to use on different problems. 

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A friend recently told me about how his wife had been struggling for quite some time regarding her willingness to get her Nurse Practitioner License. This would include a lot of study, exams and licensing requirements all of which were not motivating her. The program would be a voluntary commitment on her part, and entail a great deal of work on her part. Shelly had been very ambivalent on whether or not to proceed.
He remembers asking her for permission to ask several questions regarding her motivation for entering and completing the licensing program she was considering (this was the “establish autonomy” question). It was almost surreal to watch my wife uncover her own motivation for entering the rigorous training program. I didn’t manipulate or persuade her. She did it totally on her own. At the end of about 6 minutes, I asked her the final question, that reinforces autonomy, “what’s the next step, if any?” Remarkably she said, “I’m ordering my books tomorrow and I’m going to get my licenses”. She went out the next day, ordered the books, completed the rigorous course of study, passed her exams and became licensed. Amazing!! 

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Simon Sinek states in his brilliant book ‘Start With Why,’ ‘People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.’  He goes on to ask “Why is Apple so Innovative?”  He developed what he calls “The Golden Circle” and explains how some leaders can inspire where others can’t.  Moving from the outside in he explains the following. 

“What” – Every single person and every organization knows “What they do 100%”.  “How” – Some of those know “How they do it,” and you would call that your unique selling proposition or differentiating value proposition but very very few people know “Why” they do what they do. 

The “Why” in his example is not to make a profit that is a result.   That’s always the purpose of a business to make a profit.  He’s asking, what’s your core purpose?  What’s your cause? What’s your belief?  Why does your organization exist? This is so critical because people will follow you based on your WHY and not based on your WHAT or How. 

Start With Why 

Learn your “Why” and then you can start asking others “Why,” and you’ll be unstoppable force influencing others without them feeling like you’re a used car salesman.  Better yet if you can define your WHY as in your purpose.  It will allow others to cling to you and follow you in the very same way Apple computers has a cult-like following. 

Not 

“To be, or not to be: that is the question:”  —William Shakespeare 

Probably the best single word you can use to influence others.  All of these words are powerful for persuading others, but this word is quite compelling. Because if used properly it’s your back door to persuasion. Chris Voss recently published an article in which he goes for no with those people who’ve not gotten back to him.  He writes an email with the following line enclosed.  “Have you given up on solving your problem with X?”

From a quick Google search, I get this for a definition.

not 

nät/ 

adverb 

adverb: not 

  

1. Used with an auxiliary verb or “be” to form the negative.

    “he would not say.” 

        used in some constructions with other verbs. 

        “he has been warned not to touch” 

2. Used as a short substitute for a negative clause.

    “Maybe I’ll regret it, but I hope not.”  

 

Variations of NOT would be the conjugations; 

couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, can’t, won’t, don’t, aren’t, won’t, haven’t, hadn’t 

Not is the perfect way to sneak in what you want.  How might you use this in your everyday life?  Most influence and sales courses push towards people. You’re taught to lean into the customer with questions like “Are you interested in a new car with a sunroof?”  “Is there anything you want to make sure I cover with you in our meeting?” “Can I help you today?”  But, what if you could find out what your client wants without boxing yourself in.  You could even use a tone of voice of speculation like “You’re not interested in a car with a sunroof, are you?”  “There isn’t anything you else you wanted me to cover with you today, is there?” “You don’t need any help right now?”   If they answer “No” you can simply say “I didn’t think so,” and move on with the conversation not having to back out. 

Every walk into a store needing to you use the bathroom but you’re not sure they have one you can use?  Typically, most people will ask “Do you have a bathroom?” but I say “You don’t have a bathroom?”.  Try it.  Walk up to someone today and say “You don’t have the time?” “You don’t think this will work, do you? 

< ADD THE MOST COMMON ATTACKS HERE >

YOU

“You can close more business in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.” —Dale Carnegie  

“You” is so powerful because other people want to talk about themselves a lot. Perhaps more than any other thing in the world listening to someone else talk about themselves will gain you more credit than just about anything else you could do.  Another word for this is bonding, and when you use “You” on purpose, it’s a game changer.   Using a person name along with the word “You” is so powerful that an entire chapter is dedicated to it in “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.  “You” is the bridging word to using a personal name. It works exceptionally well whether you’re writing business copy or giving a speech to thousands.

“I am going to show You” vs. “You will learn” This is very subtle, but it’s quite profound.  The emphasis of “YOU” in this context is critical that you see this.  The phrase “I am going to show YOU” has the emphasis all on the speaker and the audience is an afterthought.  Now, compare that to “You will learn” and see how the emphasis is on YOU.  The central thrust of the statement is targeted at the most critical person in the world. YOU! 

You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to learn the subtle are of keeping your attention on the other person, but you might want to start making an effort to using it next time you’re with someone that you need to influence.

Because

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqlseN3sT9I 

Because is such a compelling word and it’s a hint as to what people are thinking all at the same time. Because it has the word “cause” in it.

Ancient Greeks were the first ones to master the art of persuasion by putting an accent on rhetoric and elocution. Rhetoric was the art of identifying means of persuasion in any situation, as the persuasiveness of the speaker was the deciding factor in any trial held in front of any public discussion.  Hence, mastering the art of persuasion was closely linked to the manner in which certain words were used for emphasis and for displaying a situation truthfully.

After centuries of developing the strategies that once were born in Ancient Greece, we face ourselves today with the need to rediscover the power of persuasion. One of the most persuasive words is `because` due to the fact that it can be adapted in any type of sentence.

`Because` is a powerful word and can express a different range of situations and emotions. A master of Persuasion Robert Cialdini stated the fact that a simple, raw desire drives action because of the fact that a powerful principle of human behavior underlines the fact that when we require someone to do something for us, our success rate is higher if we offer a reason. Thus, the power of the word `because` revolves around the fact that reason is equal to motivation and, therefore, adding the persuasive `because` at the beginning of any explanation will definitely influence the result of our inquiry.

A popular study from 1978 conducted by the Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer reveals the influence a simple word as `because` can have on our day to day interactions. Langer and her colleagues aimed to reveal whether or not people would allow someone to cut in front of the line at a copy machine. They asked three different types of requests based on different persuasive techniques that led to different conversion rates. Two of the inquires rated higher than the other due to the fact that the word `because` was used to explain the reason. Therefore, the request `Excuse me. I have 5 pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?` was 94% effective, while following closely was the `Excuse me. I have 5 pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies? With a 93% success rate.

The conclusion of the study displayed that simply asking a question without offering a justification will make you look vain while adding a simple `because I need to` makes people more prone to offer you a positive answer. Because is that kind of conjunction that creates a link between your goal and your interlocutor`s motivation allowing all the participants in the conversation to feel on the same side. What is even more interesting is that the study revealed that even though the reason might be invalid, adding the persuasive `because` the request is reinforced due to the persuasive power of the word `because`. Researchers demonstrated that when this particular word is used, people tend to accept the request without even listening to what comes after it. Furthermore, following this study, Folkes in 1985 reinforced the idea that similar studies reveal the willingness to comply is higher when making use of the word `because`.

Bottom line, using the word because allows you to make use of persuasion by offering a simple, yet powerful reason. Langer`s study offered two strong lessons we should take into account. First of all, asking for a favor must be done with the use of the word `because` in order to get a positive answer. Secondly, we are rational beings that function according to reasons, which makes us more prone to display empathy to those that provide an explanation to a basic request. Influence of words can help us in making powerful persuasive requests if we opt for the right words. Hence, next time you want to ask someone for a favor, explain yourself with the power of the word `because`.

—> The Copy Machine Study + Include Graph of some kind with Numbers and Bars

This is how the research study worked…

A researcher would spot someone waiting at the library copy machine and walk over with the intention of cutting the person in line. Then, the researcher would look at the innocent bystander and ask them one of three questions.

Version 1 (request only): “Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the Xerox machine?”

Version 2 (request with a real reason): “Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the Xerox machine, because I’m in a rush?

Version 3 (request with any reason): “Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the Xerox machine, because I have to make copies?”

You’ll notice that Version 3 didn’t make much sense. Using the phrase “because I have to make copies” was a useless reason for skipping the line. Everyone waiting at the photocopier needed to make copies. The phrase contained no new information, but the researcher was trying to use it to justify the favor anyway.

Surprisingly, this stupid reason performed well. When the researchers analyzed the data, they found the following.

Version 1: 60 percent of people let the researcher skip the line.

Version 2: 94 percent of people let the researcher skip ahead in line.

Version 3: 93 percent of people let the researcher skip ahead in line.

Langer’s research, which soon became known as The Copy Machine study, was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (source).

The study became famous because it uncovered one of the most powerful words we use to drive our behavior: because. Langer’s work proved that as long as we could justify behavior in our brains (“I’m doing this because…”), we would perform the action even if the reason didn’t make sense.   <—————— 

Now 

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This word is so powerful because it’s not ambiguous at all. When would you like me to take out the trash? Now.  Our brain functions at two different and distinct levels. It’s divided into two halves or hemispheres. Within each half, a particular region controls certain specific functions.  Typically, the right side keeps track of time, doing complex math problems; it also is in charge of language and higher forms of thought.  While the left hemisphere is not language based and is more sensory in its functions.  Since the right side of the brain is sensory and had no sense of time, it only knows the now.  It only comprehends what’s here right “NOW.”  Part of you lives in the hear and now all the time. 

This is important because when you say now we know it’s not sometime in the future or sometime in the past, it’s NOW. 

Notice how many ads use now.  

Sprint “The NOW network”. https://vimeo.com/137661196 

Jill Bolte Taylor will tell you about NOW! @3:37 https://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare  

 Why Now?  Look at the beauty of that one-two punch?  You’ve just activated why and now you’ve also added the emphatic time off now.

Sprint the NOW network   https://vimeo.com/137661196 

But 

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Not to be confused with butt which is an ambiguous phonological word.  The word but has the effect of negating whatever came before the “BUT.” 

Example: 

I like your outfit but did you do something to your hair? 

That was a great speech you just gave but have you ever considered that humans are people too? 

But is used so often that you probably unconsciously notice it, but you’re possibly not deploying it on purpose. 

  

I gave a talk recently where I told my friend John about the power of the words because and but.  And the very next week he was so excited when he told me he had used an expired coupon at a restaurant on purpose.  Of course, I was like what did you say, John? 

When I was out to dinner at this local restaurant, and the bill had come, and I slid my payment along with a coupon over to the waitress.  She took my card and coupon and proceeded to have me pay when she noticed that the coupon was expired.  “I am sorry, but this coupon has expired.”  I said, “I didn’t realize it was expired and hoping you can just use it because I am out with my family here tonight.” I understand it’s expired, but maybe you could make an exception just tonight.” She took my bill and the coupon and made it work.  Boom! 

  

What could you use “BUT” for going forward?  Have you ever hear a statement like this? 

I would love to help you, but I busy this weekend? 

How about we “BUT” flip that statement and the emphasis on the end. 

So, you’re busy this weekend, but you would love to help me?  Does that feel different to you? 

Secret 

/Quote Here/ 

 

Everyone loves a secret.  In the business of copywriting, the use of “Secret” gets abused, but perhaps that’s the point. 

Example; 

“Science Discovers The Secret Of Caruso’s Wonderful Voice” 

“Fired Clerk Discovers New Money Secret … Makes Millions — Agrees to Help Others The Crazy Thing is Even If You’re Lazy, It Works!” 

“How To Make $100,000 A Year – At a Recent Reunion I Told a Friend I made $100,000 a Year, Had No Boss, and Did as I Pleased.  He wouldn’t let me alone until he had my Secret!” 

“No, For the first time, You can learn the business secrets of Maverick Millionaires … Men who started small and now take in Millions!” 

And the best for last… 

“Amazing Secret Discovered By One-Legged Golfer Adds 50 Yards To Your Drives, Eliminates Hooks and Slices… And Can Slash Up To 10 Strokes From Your Game Almost Overnight!” 

I could go on, but you get the idea no sense in beating you with a wet noodle any longer.  Start today by using “But” on purpose and don’t forget whatever comes first will get discarded in the listeners’ mind.  Not 100%, so you can’t say ” You look fat in those jeans, but I love your shoes.”  I call that bomb-throwing, but you can be systematic in your deployment of “But.”  Why might you consider using “But” in your conversations today? 

What 

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That’s such a powerful word.  In fact, you can just deploy it all by its self.  Perhaps someone says “Great Idea” to you.  Just say “What”?  They will just repeat themselves again reinforcing the idea that you had a great idea.  Or, you sell homes and your client says “I really love this house”.  Now, you heard them the first time but if you say, “What” as if either you didn’t hear them 100% or your skeptical with what was just said.  Make the tone of your voice move up like when asking a question. They will either tell you what they just said to you again or even go one more step beyond about how they really love the house with more details than the first time they told you.  The psychology is that they said it and not you.  They are hearing it out of their own mouth, and that’s 100% times better than anything you could possibly say nice about the house. 

Examples; 

“What specifically do you like about this house?” 

“What’s important to you about choosing your next home?”  This will tease out what’s important to them without you trying to guess. 

  

Please be cautious that everything must be taken in moderation.  You can’t use every one of these words like a robot or out of a normal standard context.  But, you can use them all the time in your regular conversations.  The best way to use any of these words is to pick one for the week.  Then as you’re going about your day make a conscious effort when appropriate to use the word of the day. 

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     “What” 

Once you get past the Why you can work on the What.  The order of operations is to get the persons WHY by asking WHAT questions. 

  

What do you want? 

What are you hoping I could do for you? 

What’s important to you about X? 

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And 

/Quote Here/ 

 

Here is another great word that you can use as a tag question.  Just use your voice with an upward inflection.  Like you’re asking a question. Andddd … 

The number one example most people hate is ” Your price is it too high” or some variation of that.  Now, they didn’t actually ask you a question, so you have no idea what statement means.  Most people assume, and most of the time they are not right.  Simply respond gently with… And?   Now, you’ll get to the actual objection instead of the smokescreen of “Your price is too high.” 

  

  

The One Word That Drives Senseless and Irrational Behavior. https://jamesclear.com/copy-machine-study 

Quote by Dale Carnegie: “You can close more business in …. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/564619-you-can-close-more-business-in-two-months-by-becoming 

 

 

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Certainly, persuasion can be used in selling and deal-clinching situations, and it can be misused to manipulate people. But exercised constructively and to its full potential, persuasion supersedes sales and is quite the opposite of deception. Effective persuasion becomes a negotiating and learning process through which a persuader leads colleagues to a problem’s shared solution. Persuasion does indeed involve moving people to a position they don’t currently hold, but not by begging or cajoling. Instead, it involves careful preparation, the proper framing of arguments, the presentation of vivid supporting evidence, and the effort to find the correct emotional match with your audience. 

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Brain Image taken from; https://www.healthline.com/health/left-brain-vs-right-brain#left-brainright-brain-theory 

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