The Subtle Art of Persuasion …

Persuasion is widely misunderstood and, for many people, it has all but lost its true meaning.

Have you ever wondered why some people are so successful? Why can some people masterfully move people to make certain choices, while most others can never seem to get anyone to agree with them?  

Is it a charisma thing?

Or an intelligence thing? 

Or are people just born with a knack for winning people to their side?   

No, no, and no.  

It’s all about the subtle art of persuasion in which you’re letting others get your way. 

Yes, persuasion is an art, some science and extraordinary communications skills and the good news is that you can learn to do it too.

And if you know about the dark art of persuasion, you can use it to accomplish so many good things. You can use persuasion to sell more, to get paid what you’re worth, to get a new job, to receive well-deserved vacation days, to improve your relationships, and so much more.  

Additionally, being a master of persuasion gives you a distinct competitive edge. If all things are equal, being a clear, masterful, persuasive communicator allows you to stand out from the crowd. It allows your message to be heard above all the other messages. It enables you to cut through the noise.

On the flip side, if you don’t understand how to persuade people, you’ll often find your requests being turned down. You’ll find yourself frustrated, unable to understand why you can’t get someone to do what you ask.  

Now, to be clear, when we talk about persuasion, we’re not talking about manipulation. Manipulation is using words and actions to achieve things that, usually, are wrong.  

Persuasion is using words and actions to persuade people to do things that are good, both for you and them.  

Persuasion is about getting what you want and helping other people get what they want.

Persuasion is all about win-win.

So, with that being said, how can you be more persuasive? Here are 16 proven ways.  

1. Focus On Them, Not You

This should be obvious, but for many people, it’s not. Ultimately, persuasion is about them, not you.

In other words, in order to be persuasive, you absolutely must focus on the other person, not yourself. Remember, we spend almost all our time thinking about ourselves and what we want. We spend hours obsessing over things like our health, love, and financial status.

If you want to be persuasive, you have to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What do they want most? What are their deepest desires? What do they fear, love, dream about?

The more you can focus on the other person, the more captivated and easily persuaded they’ll be. 

2. Communicate Clearly

This is another one that should be obvious but is often neglected. You should know your argument inside and out and be able to communicate so clearly that even a 7th grader could understand what you’re saying.

Here’s the reality…

If you can’t communicate your argument clearly, you simply won’t be able to persuade people to your point of view. On the flip side, the clearer you are about your argument, the greater the odds of persuasion.

For example, let’s say you’re applying for a new job that you believe is a perfect fit for your skillset. If you can communicate in a clear, persuasive manner with the interviewer, there’s a much higher probability that you’ll get the job.  

3. Start Small

Research has demonstrated that if you can get people to agree with you on small things, there’s a much higher probability that you can eventually get them to agree with you on much larger issues.

The implication is that instead of going straight to the heart of your argument, you should start off with statements that you know the other person will agree with. This allows you to build a foundation of trust and agreement.

This also implies that, if possible, you should avoid making controversial statements in the beginning. If you begin with disagreement, it’s going to be much harder for you to get a person to eventually agree with you about anything.

You want to get people nodding their heads right from the beginning.  

4. Be Authentic

There’s a reason that used car salespeople have a bad reputation. They don’t seem authentic. They seem to like all they care about it getting you to purchase a car. They don’t have a real, human concern for your well-being.  

And now, more than ever, people can smell fakeness. They can tell when you’re not being yourself. When you’re just putting on a show.

If you want to persuade people and get them to come over to your side, you need to be your true, authentic self. The reality is that authenticity is always more persuasive. In fact, there’s even research that shows that occasionally cursing has a positive effect on persuasion.  

Why? Because it demonstrates personality and authenticity.

Now, to be clear, we don’t necessarily recommend cursing just for the sake of cursing. But we do recommend authenticity at all times.  

5. Use The 6 Principles of Persuasion

• Reciprocity
• Scarcity
• Authority
• Consistency
• Liking
• Consensus

In his seminal, book “Influence the Psychology of Persuasion” Dr. Robert Cialdini shared the 6 keys to persuasion. (WHEN) The reciprocity principle is the idea that if I do something for you, you feel compelled to do something in return for me. As master persuader Robert Cialdini puts it: 

Simply put, people are obliged to give back to others the form of behavior, gift, or service that they have received first.

If a friend invites you to their party, there’s an obligation for you to invite them to a future party you are hosting. If a colleague does you a favor, then you owe that colleague a favor. And in the context of a social obligation, people are more likely to say yes to those who they owe.

You can use the principle of reciprocity to more effectively persuade people. If you can give someone something of value, there’s a much greater chance that they’ll feel a sense of obligation to you. Even something as simple as a compliment can go a long way in terms of getting someone to come over to your side.  

6. Use Proper Patterns of Speech

It turns out there’s actually some science behind the stereotype of the fast-talking salesman. Research has demonstrated that in situations where someone will disagree with you, it’s better to speak faster. Why? Because it gives them less time to come up with counter-arguments. This, in turn, makes it easier for you to persuade them.

On the flip side, if a person is more inclined to agree with you, speak more slowly. Give them time to evaluate what you’re saying. They are already more inclined to agree with you, and when you give them time to process your arguments, it only increases the odds of you persuading them.  

7. Create Scarcity

The simple truth is that people want what they can’t have, and if you can create a sense of scarcity around your proposition, there’s a much greater chance of you persuading them.

There are numerous ways you can create scarcity, including: 

• Literally limiting how many of something you’re offering 
• Highlighting what a person will miss out on if they don’t accept your offer 
• Putting a time limit on when someone can get in on your offer 
• Adding bonuses that can only be gotten if a person acts now

Again, to quote Robert Cialdini: 

It’s not enough simply to tell people about the benefits they’ll gain if they choose your products and services. You’ll also need to point out what is unique about your proposition and what they stand to lose if they fail to consider your proposal. 

8. Be Very Confident

Not surprisingly, research shows that people are persuaded more by confidence than by expertise. This is good news for you. It means you don’t have to be an expert in something in order to persuade a person. Rather, you simply need to be very confident in your presentation.

Be bold when presenting your arguments. Don’t hedge them or qualify them with phrases like, “I think,” or, “I believe.” Present your argument with 100% confidence.

The more confident you are when presenting your arguments, the more likely you are to persuade someone. So be bold and enthusiastic, even if you’re not an expert on a particular topic.  

9. Paint A Vivid Picture

When trying to persuade someone, use vivid imagery. Don’t simply bombard them with statistics and evidence that your argument is the correct one. Rather, appeal to their emotions. Show them how your argument leads to a better outcome for both of you.

For example, let’s say you’re asking your boss for a pay raise. Paint a picture of how a pay raise will help you be less stressed about money, which will, in turn, make you a much more productive employee. Don’t simply talk about how you deserve a raise because of the work you put in.

The more you can paint a vivid picture of the good life for people, the greater the chances of you persuading them.  

10. Consider How Your Audience Processes Information

Some people make quick, instinctive, gut decisions. Other people prefer to think things through. Some people are verbal processors, while others prefer to process everything internally.

When attempting to persuade a person, consider how they process information. If they need time to digest what you’re saying, don’t pressure them to make a decision immediately. Give them time to think and process and work through any objections they may have.

On the other hand, if someone tends to make snap decisions, you have more freedom to press them for a decision at the moment.

The key is to know your audience. Know how they think and then present information to them in a manner that aligns with how they think.  

11. Acknowledge and Overcome Objections

Don’t pretend that your audience is stupid. When you’re speaking to a person, they’ll inevitably have objections to various things you say. Don’t ignore those objections. Rather, take advantage of them.

When you can speak directly to a person’s objections, it adds a more authentic, human element to your presentation. And research backs this up. According to University of Illinois professor Daniel O’Keefe, sharing an opposing viewpoint or two is more effective than sticking only to your argument and not acknowledging objections.

When your audience knows that you understand their objections, they’re much more likely to be persuaded by you. They feel like you understand their pain points and have the solution to them.

Contrast this with someone who simply plows ahead with their argument, never stopping to acknowledge the questions or challenges a person may have. They’re much less likely to be persuasive.  

12. SpeakInPositives

When speaking about change, it’s easy to unintentionally speak in negative terms instead of positive. It’s much more persuasive to use positive language than negative.

For example, instead of saying, “You’ll be less tired,” which is a negative statement, say, “You’ll be full of energy!” Or instead of saying, “You’ll stop being underpaid,” say, “You’ll finally be getting paid what you’re truly worth!”

The simple truth is that positive language tends to be much more persuasive than scare tactics. Why? The research suggests that it’s because people don’t like to feel like they’re being bullied or guilted into change.

In some ways, this goes back to being able to paint a vivid picture of the good life. Speak in positives and help people envision how wonderful their lives will be when they embrace your solution.

13. MatchTheBody Language Of The Person You’re Speaking With 

One simple, yet highly persuasive method of communicating is to mirror and match the body language of the person you’re speaking with.

Thorin Klosowski puts it this way: 

Instead of arguing your point in your own private way, mirror the person you’re talking to in body language, the speed of your voice, volume, and even your word choice. You need to be subtle when doing this, but it’s a subconscious way to make the person you’re speaking with more comfortable. 

If they cross their legs, you do the same. If they use hand gestures, use hand gestures yourself. Try to match your voice tone with theirs, as well as speaking speed.  

Yes, this may seem a bit odd, but it’s a simple way of building rapport with a person.  

14. Notice What Matters MostToThem 

This is related to the above point but with a slightly different flavor. As you speak to a person, listen carefully to what they’re saying and take notice of what it most important to them. Then speak those same words and phrases back to them throughout the conversation.

For example, if you’re speaking with your spouse and they consistently use the words, “Quality time,” use those same words yourself. This makes them feel like you understand what they’re saying and are working toward a positive solution that makes both of you happy.

15. Demonstrate Your Authority

If you have expertise or authority in a matter, show it off. Do you have a diploma? Hang it on your wall. Have you won awards? Put them in your bio. Have you been featured in prominent publications? Highlight those publications where possible. Do you have years of experience in your field? Let everyone know.

When you combine the confidence mentioned above with proven expertise, it can be incredibly persuasive.

The simple truth is that people tend to follow and be persuaded by those who are experts. The more you can show off and demonstrate your expertise, the more likely you are to persuade someone to your point of view.  

16. Be Right

Yes, it’s important to be persuasive and frame messages the proper way and focus on positives and create scarcity. But ultimately, you need to be right. Otherwise, you’re simply trying to persuade someone to believe something that’s fundamentally false.

So do the hard work of making sure that your reasoning is sound, your conclusions are accurate, and your points are logical.  

The Power of Persuasion

Persuasion is an incredibly powerful thing. If you master the art of persuasion, you have the ability to live a much happier, healthier, fulfilled life. It’s one of the few things that allows you to get more of what you want while also helping others get more of what they want.

Yes, learning to be persuasive takes some work. It takes work to listen carefully to a person so that you can understand what they truly want. It takes work to master your arguments and be able to communicate them clearly. It takes work to acknowledge and overcome objections.

But ultimately, it’s worth it. Few things are more powerful than being able to persuade people that your argument is correct.

So learn the art of persuasion. You’ll be happy. Others will be happy. It truly is a win-win situation.